Yesterday was my daughter’s first birthday. Since I started this blog back in April, I have had the mental battle of trying to decide if I would eve write about her birth story. This week especially I have gone back and forth with myself. At this time I am not going to write it, mainly because I am planning her party and ran out of time. I also am not sure if I am ready.
I have read many birth stories. Especially while I was pregnant. I wanted to know others experiences; the good, the bad, and the ugly. My story falls more into the bad and the ugly categories which is one of the reasons I hesitate to share it. So instead of writing about her birth and the side effects of that, I will write about what her life has been like for the past year.
Baby Girl entered the world without a sound. I don’t recall hearing her cry until hours later. This is how she’s lived. She will make a noise when she needs something, but otherwise she is calm and quiet. In the past few months I have enjoyed listening to her play and talk to herself. She is growing into a toddler that is independently happy. For that I am thankful.
Sometimes I wonder if she spends too much time playing alone. I mean babies need stimulation right? I do my best to give her the attention she needs, but it warms my heart to see that she gets as much enjoyment from being alone. That is a lesson for all of us. It is okay to require and enjoy “external stimulation”, going out with friends, watching a movie, etc. However, it is also important to be able to enjoy just being. Sometimes we feel like it’s wrong to simply enjoy a moment alone. I know if I am home I often feel like I should be working on something in my house. I have to remind myself that it is okay to sit and put my feet up. It is alright if I want to daydream for a bit or take a nap.
The other issue I have been having is allowing her to grow up. I miss the newborn that you could cuddle with and would just let you wrap her in your arms for hours. Now she is on the move and she wants to explore and try new things. I worry constantly about her getting hurt. I know that this is part of growing up. Learning to walk requires that sometimes we will fall. The important thing is that we get back up. I know that is such a cliché, but it is the truth none the less. As an adult I sometimes forget that. I get knocked down, or something doesn’t go as plan and I say “forget it”. I have to remind myself to get back up and try again.
I know this post doesn’t say a whole lot, but my brain is a little foggy. I’m also still wrapping my head around being the mother of a 1-year-old. Seriously, where does the time go? Wasn’t she just born yesterday? Anyways, I hope you enjoy your day and remember enjoy being with yourself and give yourself grace to try again.
Martina