Live Your Best Life or LYBL – what a fun thing to say. We make all kinds of decisions and classify it by saying that we are living our best life. But what if we can’t? What if those decisions are made for us? Or what if everyone thinks you’re living your best life, but actually you’re unhappy?
That would be me. I love my family. I love my kids. But it was never my intention to be a stay at home mom. I’m figuring it out, though. We stay busy, we go out, they’re growing up. But deep down I still feel like something’s missing.
The Issue
The problem here is the comparison game. I play it a lot. I look at other people and say, “Wow, they got to do that!” Or “they have one of those, I wish we could afford it.” Most of the times I do that without even realizing it. It’s been a problem since I was a child.
Jealousy.
Envy.
Wrap that up in a load of mom guilt and you have a recipe for disaster. The problem really is, though, that I am trying to live someone else’s best life. Since we made the decision for me to stay home, I’ve had so many people tell me how lucky I am to have this opportunity to be home with my girls. In my head I know this is a great thing. I know one day I’ll look back and be thankful that I was the one to help my girls take their first steps and say their first words. However, it doesn’t change that it is not in my nature to be home all the time.
As a teacher, I am used to being around a variety of people throughout the day. It’s weird because I am a serious introvert, but I think I gain some kind of energy from knowing that I am doing something meaningful each day. Sure it could be argued that caring for my kids is meaningful. And in the long run I know it is. But in the day-to-day routine of diaper changes, meal cleanup, and temper tantrums it’s hard to see the big picture.
The Solution
I have spent 2019 focusing on learning about myself as a person and seeking to improve some of the areas that I have struggled with. I have read several books that have enlightened me to things that I hadn’t realized about myself. One of the main things I learned from the books, though, is that there are so many different kinds of people.
No two people are exactly the same. So what is best for someone else is not best for me. I have read about and heard people say they always dreamed about being a mom. Motherhood wasn’t really something I thought about deeply. I always wanted to be a mom, but it was never something I dreamed about or longed for in a deep way.
For me my dreams were a little more complex (not that having a baby is easy, because I know that it isn’t for everyone). I dreamed of making a difference. Seeing that moment where a new concept just clicked with a student was something I longed for. Those moments are a whole lot harder to come by and really are only partially dependent on me.
Find Your Best Life
My “best life” would be knowing that each day I have done something to positively impact someone else. This would not have to be a job. It could be volunteer. Honestly, it could be with my kids once they’re at an age where I can really teach them.
My challenge to those that read this is to not get caught up in comparing yourself to someone else’s best life. But discover what works for you. Find out what your gifts are and use them. I have said before that I truly believe that my desire to teach came directly from God. Knowing this, I have to believe that He is not done using me in this way. This is a season I am in, but as long as I am staying true to myself, I too can be living my best life.
Martina
Book Recommendations
Here are some of the books I have read this year that were an encouragement to me. These are Amazon affiliate links and while I may receive compensation if you make a purchase, I read each of these books and learned a lot about myself.
Introverted Mom gave me great perspective on who I am as a mother. I had Zach buy it as my Mother’s Day gift and I am so glad I did. It helped me realize that some of what I was feeling; the overwhelm, the need for space, was totally normal for my personality. Even if you’re not an introvert it can help you better relate to and care for the introverts in your life.
I have been a longtime follower of Ruth Soukup and her blog. I started listening to her Do It Scared podcast last year and pre-ordered this book in the spring. Her premise is that we all have specific fears that in a way rule our lives. She categorizes these fears and explains how each one effects you and how you can over come them. I’m still working on “doing it scared,” but this blog is part of that process.
I first heard of Gretchin Rubin on the Do it Scared podcast, which led me to this book when I was looking for something new to read. I listened to Better Than Before as an audio book and enjoyed how it flowed with her narration. It is all about habit formation and making changes that will help you be better than before. Note: Better Than Before has a few curse words in it, so if you prefer not to read them, you may want to skip this one.