Trust. What a simple little word packed with so much meaning. A concept I’ve struggled with for so long. The first definition of trust according to dictionary.com is ” reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.”
Betrayal
I was ten the first time someone betrayed my trust. It took close to five years before I truly forgave them and allowed myself to heal. By then it was happening again. It’s been nineteen years and trust is still something I struggle with. It is one of the reasons why I am so independent, because a lot of times I feel like the only person I can rely on is myself.
I have had to work hard over the years to trust people. My family was pretty easy. They never gave me a reason not to trust them. My husband was a little harder. We’re so different that a lot of times it was little things he did that may be me think I could not trust him, but he’s always come through. Friendships? Now that’s been the hard part.
We sang a song when I was a Girl Scout:
Make new friends, but keep the old,
One is silver, and the other gold.
I mentioned in a previous post how a lot has changed in the last few years in my church. This has separated me from a lot of my “Golden” friendships and it’s kind of hard to make new ones without being willing to trust in people.
Grace
That’s where grace comes in. Grace, according to one of the many definitions on dictionary.com is ” favor or goodwill”. In reference to theology the definition is “the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.” I see that as God being willing to trust me even when I’ve let Him down. There have been times where I’ve felt the nudge of the Spirit and ignored it or second guessed myself so much that I didn’t act. But God has continued to give me opportunities to serve Him regardless of my previous actions.
Grace.
If God extends his favor to me, what right do I have to be skeptical of everyone I come into contact with? What right do I have to be unwilling to offer trust to those who have shown me no reason not to?
Trust
My church had an awesome ladies event a few weekends ago. One of the things that was mentioned many times was forgiveness. Apparently, many women struggle with holding grudges and forgiveness – go figure. Anyways, one of the speakers broke that down in a similar way. What right do we have not to forgive someone else when God has forgiven us of so much more?
Trust.
I am working to apply that thought process to my struggle with trust. My goal is to trust from the outset and not always make it be something that is earned. So many genuinely good and kind people have crossed my path over the years. I’ve protected myself against them without thought to what I was missing out on. I never really got to know them as much as I wanted to, because I was afraid to trust. That is all changing.
I recently made a decision that has me working with people who our virtual strangers and spending a lot of time with them. One of the biggest things that has come from that has been trusting them with my children. What I have noticed for me is that having this opportunity has released me to connect with people in a way I haven’t done in a long time. I haven’t been as stressed about the little things when we’re together. I am learning to trust.
Trust in Jesus
As you can probably tell from the title, one of my favorite songs is “Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.” Mainly because it’s one of the few songs that I can sing strongly, on key, and add a bit of harmony, too. I love to sing and since my ability to trust others ultimately comes back to Him. So I’ll end with this song.
Martina
’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know, “Thus says the Lord!”Refrain
William J. Kirkpatrick, Louisa M. R. Stead
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!