It is really easy, when things aren’t going your way to look at others and begin to envy them. How easy we forget how blessed we are when faced with a temporary struggle. Envy is something I’ve always struggled with. I remember a time back when I was a little girl and my mom and I were shopping with my friend and her mom. My friend’s mom bought her a doll and I remember acting out because my mom wouldn’t buy me one too. When I look back I am embarrassed because I know the sacrifices my parents made for me.
Envy, while not specifically mentioned, goes against God’s commandments in the Bible. According to Dictionary.com envy is: “a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, possessions, etc.” In the past two years I have really struggled with coveting other people’s experiences. Thankfully, I have people in my life that will remind me of how blessed I am.
I am going to be very open here. I have mentioned before that Baby Girl’s birth story was very difficult. This is why I haven’t written about it. Well, the twin’s story isn’t much better. Apparently, I am very good at being pregnant but not very good at delivery. With Baby Girl I was all about trying to have a un-medicated “natural” birth. That wasn’t to be and she was delivered via emergency C-section. Even with the twins, I did not make it to my scheduled C-section date (or even the rescheduled date) and once again had a somewhat emergency surgery.
While I am forever grateful and thankful to the skilled doctors who knew when it was time to take my babies, I mourn the loss of what I wanted in my heart. This caused me to feel envy towards my mom-friends who I know have given birth multiple times with nowhere near the complications that I faced. However, I am reminded that in both cases I delivered healthy babies. Babies that were able to stay with me in the hospital and didn’t need to go to the NICU.
I am also reminded of the saying “God won’t put more on you than you can bear.” That saying has roots in multiple verses in the Bible. The first verse I found is from 1 Corinthians 10:13. It says “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
However, the one I really like comes from Psalm 55:22 and I like the way the Amplified Version says it, “Cast your burden on the Lord [release it] and He will sustain and uphold you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken (slip, fall, fail).” The first part is a good reminder to cast our burdens on the Lord. When dealing with my envy, I often forget to give it over to God to help me deal with it. The exciting part of the verse is the second half; the knowledge that God will not allow us to be shaken or fall if we are righteous.
Through many situations in my life I have found this to be true. I may struggle and begin to slip, but when I trust in God and lean on Him, He will keep me standing tall. I may not have had the births that I wanted, but God brought me through it. Others may not have been able to handle my struggles, just as I may not be able to handle theirs. This is also a reminder to keep my eyes on Jesus and off of others.
I can’t say that I am to the point where I can thank God for my struggles. But I do thank Him for bringing me through.
Martina